Truth is…

I met my husband when I was 21. Broke up with him a few weeks into dating. The first time he disagreed with me, I was done. We reconciled a few days later.

Truth is, I was miserable without him. But, attachment felt too much like dependence so I needed to free myself.

Two years later, I caught the flu while visiting him. I had never felt so sick in my entire life. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t eat. I could barely speak. I honestly thought I would die. I was so dazed and weak, I don’t have full recollection of that time, but I do remember him.

For several days, he carried me to the shower, held me up, and bathed me. He helped me to brush my teeth. He dressed me, fed me, gave me my medicine, checked on me, and comforted me. This 23 year old man took care of me like a parent does a child and without pride.

I had never been so humbled. I knew in that moment he was it. Forever. Whatever my attachment issues, I would work them out. We had shared philia and eros, but what I’d experienced with him in that moment was agape love.

To have all three and be certain in your soul that that trifecta is real is a miracle. Every day, I become more and more aware that I am infinitely blessed to have this person in my life who sees me.

I don’t believe your 20s is the right time to get married or become rooted in a relationship. It should be a time for exploration–finding one’s self. Many of my choices since meeting my husband have been impacted by our relationship, and I don’t recommend anyone base their life decisions on romantic relations while in their 20s.

I wonder, if I had to do it over again, would I have made different choices?

Yes. I would have. For some things. But he would never be a sacrifice.

Recently, I peeked into the window of a relationship that left me deeply disturbed. I was so triggered by it that I was at a loss for words. I was left feeling hurt, furious, and wanted to cry but had to bottle it up and steel myself. Went out with friends, vented and attempted to two-max drink it away. It helped some.

I went home. There at the door, was my husband. Tired and worn out from an especially stressful week of being Mr. Mom. He hugged me and welcomed me home. Just like that, I felt at peace. I didn’t even have to tell him anything had happened.

For the first time in a long time, I saw him.

I am a cerebral person and can be very matter-of-fact about our relationship. I know that I am able to be like that because I trust my heart is fully protected by him.

I resist being sappy at the risk of turning into nonsensical mush. But, sometimes that’s needed. I married my husband with eyes wide open and souls connected. His heart was mine the moment he saw me from across a room full of ambitious interns. I remember the joy in his eyes the first time we spoke, the moment he saw me in my wedding dress, each time he introduced me to our sons after emergency c-sections. He is my agape.

I’m sorry it took seeing the opposite of who he is for me to I realize I was taking him for granted.

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  1. That’s so beautiful! Carl is one of a kind! It takes a special guy to understand a Rho girl. He truly is an amazing dad and should be celebrated.

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